Do you realize it is almost one year since I got sick? This poor Parish and these poor people. A thought occurred to me this morning, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”! As you know this is not the first time this thought, prayer, quote has come to me. My great struggle has been trying to do what I used to do. Every day and every hour I think about what needs to be done for these folks and I can’t! I need to admit that and live with it. But the good people of this parish deserve better and more. I am constantly confronted with my limitations; I can’t drive, I have doctor appointments almost every week, I have energy for about 50% of a day, I am mentally limited (No surprise to all of you), there are many changes that are coming in the Archdiocese and I can’t comprehend them, I am still not saying Mass regularly and have not yet presided at a Sunday liturgy, for these reasons and many more, I CANNOT DO THIS JOB! I think I need to resign.
I desire, “Gods (“my”) power” and believe/know I am weak! I have been weak for a year and keep thinking I will be strong tomorrow. There is evidence of my improvement but no certainty that I will return to where I was over a year ago, physically stronger, but frankly, spiritually weaker. My physical weakness was acknowledged and reiterated on Monday by Dr. Kumthekar. If fact, she did not give me certainty it would ever return. She did not say it won’t she said it is unknown. In the meantime, this parish is not moving forward or growing. His grace is sufficient for me but my gifts are not sufficient for this job. I need to better unite his grace and my gifts. Maybe I do not understand how to utilize this gift of weakness here?